National Quiet Day – What Silence Can Teach You About Intimacy

Woman wearing peace and quiet t-shirt - National Quiet Day - Why silence Speaks Volumes - Sandra Harewood Counselling

 

Shh.  It’s National Quiet Day.

It’s getting more and more difficult to create a space for solitude and silence.  The noise it seems is an inevitable part of our day.

And I’m not even sure if, collectively as a society, we know how to experience peace and quiet anymore.

London has the highest levels of noise in the UK.  Living in London, I guess I’ve got used to the noise.  Traffic, emergency vehicles, people chatting loudly on mobile phones, barking dogs and car alarms are familiar and all rate highly as annoying to adults in the UK.

But the noise doesn’t have to be loud.  There’s a constant stream of background disturbance, subtly wrestling for the attention of your mind.  Mobile phones give instant access to messaging, emails, music, news, social media, television and movies.  A lot of noise and distraction from that little piece of plastic in your pocket!

Inside Out

There’s a lot of good evidence that confirms noise pollution has both temporary and permanent effects on our bodies.  Specifically, noise stimulates the endocrine and autonomic nervous systems triggering the fight or flight response. It puts you on edge.  And when you have too much stress hormones in the body this causes other problems such as anxiety, depressed mood, lack of sleep and a reduced sex drive.

On top of that, there’s all the internal noise in our heads. The inner chatter of worry, or negative self-talk.  I’m not good enough; I’m not intelligent enough, I’m a fraud, I’m not attractive enough, I’m not, I’m not…

Quiet is just as much about calming this unkind mental chatter, as it is retreating from the external noise.  In stillness you connect with soul and to tune into your inner wisdom; a voice that maybe you’re not used to listening to or simply can’t hear.  It’s too noisy.

So now, it’s time to turn the volume down.

Hearing Your Inner Child

Silence allows you to get to a deeper place of being able to listen and being able to hear.

When you pay attention, you’ll notice the voice of your Inner Child.  Maybe she’s encouraging you to play, learn something new or take up a hobby you enjoyed as a child.

On the other hand, maybe your Inner Child is sad and angry from a childhood that left you emotionally wounded.  In this case, the internal and external chatter may have served you.  It drowns out her voice, and you avoid what she has to say.  For the most part, noise numbed the pain.

But it’s important to hear your child’s voice.  The Inner Child is a source of creativity, vitality and innocent wisdom.  This child is the path to healing your wounds and allowing your authentic self to emerge.

Perhaps you’ll also connect with the voice of the Internal Good Mother.  She’s encouraging you to affirm, I AM good enough, I AM loveable, or it’s OKAY to make mistakes.  Who wouldn’t have wanted their mother to have told them these things?

Quietening the chatter allows you to develop a more intimate relationship with yourself.

Connecting to Soul

Consistent moments of quiet and solitude enable the soul to regain balance.  But finding these moments can feel hard.

Busyness is something that Western culture rewards.  How often do you greet someone with ‘What do you do?’ as opposed to ‘Hi, I’m interested in you.’  Or maybe you’re asked ‘How are you?’ and you reply, ‘Busy!’ secretly looking for some sympathy or empathy.

Thomas Moore, the author of Care of the Soul, thinks we have a complex about being busy.   He comments that:

We don’t get a lot of support in this culture for doing nothing. If we aren’t accomplishing something, we feel that we’re wasting time.

Most of us do have 5 minutes in our days that we could devote to silence and stillness but we tell ourselves that we don’t.   It seems there is always something that needs doing, always someone who needs our attention. They don’t.  You can leave it.  What’s the worse that could happen?

Getting to intimately know your authentic self is not a waste of time.

National Quiet Day – Replenish Your Soul

So the challenge today is to find some quiet time for yourself.  Start off with 5 minutes of unstructured quiet time.  That’s less time than it takes to boil an egg.

Why not go one step further and schedule quiet time into your weekly routine.  You could:

  • Get out in nature and walk
  • Turn off your mobile phone for an afternoon
  • Meditate
  • Try not talking for an hour once per week
  • Take a long bath
  • Go for a run, a candle lit yoga class or go for a swim
  • Create a bedtime ritual that will allow for a conscious period of quiet before you fall asleep.
  • Create a morning ritual that will allow for a conscious period of quiet before you get out of bed.
  • Have a social media detox
  • Journal

Mindfulness is a great meditation practice.  It takes 10-20 minutes per day, sitting in silence and noticing your breath.  A mindfulness practice gets you in touch with yourself more fully.  In time, you’ll listen to and trust your insights and intuitions more, not seeking the approval of others but having faith in all parts of yourself and your authority.

Over to You

Does the noise in your daily life demand an exhausting drain of your energy that wears down your emotional and physical protection?  To explore how to connect with stillness and your inner voice get in touch and book your FREE 15-minute phone consultation to discuss your situation and how I can help.

Or call me today on 07535 864836.

Leave a comment below; I’d love to hear from you.

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© Sandra Harewood

 About Sandra

Soul Centred couples counsellor Sandra Harewood specialises in working with couples and single women with childhood wounding that impacts their adult relationships. Sandra provides a soulful space for her clients to explore and discover creative solutions to their difficulties and create great relationships.