A relationship that feels normal does not mean that it is healthy. Learn how to recognise the signs of unhealthy relationships to create a new normal.
All our silences in the face of racist assault are acts of complicity. Bell Hooks
I am sure that you like me have been impacted, in one way or another, by events in the world right now. For sure, George Floyd’s death has undoubtedly engaged the collective consciousness into action on racism. Read more
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How do you know if your relationship is abusive?
Are you simply two people who get triggered and can’t figure it out sometimes? That wouldn’t be uncommon. Maybe you feel guilty because you’ve not shown up as you best self. And we all do things at times we regret. Read more
Home isn’t always a safe place.
And even if you do feel okay, maybe home it isn’t always a calm, peaceful place. Read more
Many people assume that verbal abuse is just about swearing. And some go one step further by thinking that swearing is only abusive if it’s attached to name-calling. If they didn’t call you an #@$%ing [insert], then they haven’t been abusive. Read more
When Sally Challen walked free from the Old Bailey in London last Friday, many saw this as a landmark decision for how the legal system treats domestic abuse. European countries, including England and Wales, are taking the lead on redefining domestic abuse. And slowly there has been a build of awareness about a particular aspect of this, i.e. coercive control. Read more
What we have called anger may be abuse – David Richo
You can usually tell when someone is angry. It’s visceral. A raised voice, trembling, fidgeting, fast speech, heavy breathing, the furrowed brow, the clenched hand or maybe flared nostrils. But equally, it can be the opposite. Silence or sudden disappearance.
Often couples come to counselling naming a problem with anger in the relationship, anticipating that better communication and anger management skills would help solve the problem of endless conflict.
The problem is, however, that abuse and anger look similar. Read more
Gaslighting is a sophisticated, subtle form of emotional manipulation which is so effective that you accept whatever the gaslighter presents as the truth. Read more
When in your relationship do you feel cared for?
Sometimes we feel embarrassed about our wish to be cared for. But Rick Hanson PhD says that wanting to be cared for is natural, and deeply rooted in evolution. Care is a symbol of love. And love, generally speaking, has been the primary driver of the development of the human brain over millions of years. Care is crucial to survival. Read more
When you struggle with your partner, you’re struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them represents a denied weakness in yourself. – Deepak Chopra
I’m not sure that I agree with the use of the word weakness, but I understand where Deepak Chopra is coming from.
I don’t know anyone that at some point hasn’t wanted something about their partner to be different. Read more
If the story of your relationship (maybe it feels more like a drama) is punctuated with problematic narcissistic behaviours sadly, anxiety will likely also play a part. Read more