• When Is Enough Enough? - Couples On The Brink

When Is Enough Enough?

Deciding whether you want to end your marriage is perhaps one of the most significant decisions you need to face.  

When one partner wants to stay and the other leave, this no-man’s-land is unsettling, filled with anxiety and uncertainty.

It’s tough if you or your partner are considering divorce but are unsure that’s the best path. Under those circumstances, Discernment Counselling is designed specifically for you. It’s a chance to slow down, take a breath, and look at your options for your marriage.

Discernment Counselling is a new way of helping couples. One person is leaning out of the relationship and not sure that traditional couples counselling would help, and the other is interested in rebuilding the marriage.

As your counsellor, I will help you decide:

  • Whether to try to restore your marriage to health
  • Move toward divorce or 
  • Take a time out and decide later. 

The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction. Any decision you make will then be based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future.

The goal isn’t to solve your marital problems but to see if they are repairable. You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you feel about your marriage: neither of you is seen as either good or bad.

How Discernment Counselling Works

You will attend the sessions as a couple. We work together in part of the session, and I also spend time with you separately. The most important work occurs in the one-to-one conversations with me. Why? Because you are starting in different places.

I will respect your reasons for divorce while trying to open up the possibility of restoring the marriage to health.

We all need to do our work, so part of my role is to emphasise the importance of seeing your own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This reflection will be helpful in future relationships, even if this one ends.

Number of Sessions: A maximum of five counselling sessions. The first session is usually two hours, and the subsequent are 1.5 or 2 hours.

Discernment Counselling is not suited for these situations:

  • When one spouse has already made a final decision to divorce.
  • When one spouse is coercing the other to participate
  • When there is a danger of domestic violence

To Stay Married Or Divorce?

Discernment Counselling is not about saving the relationship and reconciliation. Instead, the goal is to provide each of you with the clarity and confidence you need to move forward.

  • If you are the partner that wants to leave, it gives you the space to know that the coaching in no way ties you to work towards staying together and long term therapy.
  • And if you’re the partner that wants to stay and salvage the relationship, by choosing a coaching process that your partner is comfortable with, you’re helping to create the conditions for the best chance for success.
  • On the other hand, if you both know that you want to end your relationship, you will gain closure much sooner and avoid suffering through long, drawn-out sessions that end with the same result.
  • The coaching can also work if you and your partner are ambivalent about your future.

This is a unique, practical and efficient way to focus on your relationship when there is a crisis.

Marriage is the third element between you and your partner; that is, there are two individuals – plus the bond or vow that contains you as a couple. Polly Young-Eisendrath PhD

What Can You Expect?

You and your partner will receive the skilful and compassionate support you need from an experienced couples therapist and coach.

I use a variety of therapeutic and creative interventions, integrating a soul-based approach with the Discernment Counselling Model.

This is a unique, practical and efficient way to focus on your relationship.