9 Signs You Might Be Struggling With Problem Drinking
It’s easy to underestimate how much alcohol and problem drinking can affect our lives, especially when you’re juggling work, children, ageing parents and, on top of that, the stress and unhappiness of an unsatisfying relationship.
For many women in midlife, drinking doesn’t begin as a problem. It begins as relief. A way to signal that the day is finally over and nobody needs anything from you. A glass of wine to unwind after a long day, a couple of cocktails at the weekend with friends, or ‘just one’ to ease stress.
But sometimes, what begins as a simple ritual can subtly change, impacting our health, our emotional world, and how we show up in our relationships.
Alcohol’s Creeping Influence
In the UK, both men and women are advised not to drink more than 14 units of alcohol a week regularly. And while most adults remain at low risk, recent NHS survey findings suggest a different picture for people in midlife.
Adults aged 55–64 were the most likely to drink above the recommended limits, and around 12% of adults overall were drinking at levels that place them at increasing or higher risk.
The data suggests that most women fall into the low-risk category, but that doesn’t mean many aren’t quietly struggling with patterns that concern them. It’s easy to drift into habits that begin to resemble alcohol dependency—habits that feel less like a choice and more like coping.
Problem drinking can also influence our marriage and intimate relationships in ways that are easy to miss. Too much alcohol can subtly change things:
- patience becomes thinner
- conflict intensifies
- intimacy feels distant
- emotional disconnection grows
Sometimes, the very thing you are using to cope becomes part of what keeps you stuck.
Am I Losing Control?
And while the reasons people become dependent on alcohol are complex, often involving low mood, stress, or a history of trauma, this post isn’t about diagnosing addiction.
It’s about helping you notice the early signs that alcohol may be taking up more space in your life than you intend, and what you can do to recognise when you might benefit from support through counselling, psychotherapy, or your GP.
9 Signs You Might Be Drinking Too Much
What You Can Do If You Are Overdoing Alcohol
If you find you are drinking regularly, whatever your circumstances, then perhaps it’s time to ask, ‘Am I drinking too much alcohol?’ Is it possible I have a drinking problem?
9 Signs You Might Be Drinking More Than You Realise
Here are some common signs and symptoms to look out for. See if any feel familiar.
The Subtle Ways Drinking Affects Your Relationship
Sometimes the signs aren’t necessarily dramatic; they’re subtle but persistent. Even if you don’t drink every day, alcohol may still be affecting the quality of your relationships and well-being.
One of the most overlooked aspects of problem drinking in a marriage is how it interferes with the very capacities relationships rely on:
- empathy
- patience
- emotional regulation
- perspective-taking
- willingness to repair conflict.
The key is reflection: noticing patterns rather than punishing yourself. Awareness is the first step toward understanding and choice.
What You Can Do If You’re Concerned
If you are concerned that your alcohol use is crossing the barrier into dependency, what can you do about it?
Here are some steps you can start taking today.
1. Keep a weekly diary
Note how much you drink, when, where, who you’re with and how much money you’re spending. Record your total units for the week. This isn’t about judging yourself; it’s about honestly noticing patterns and gaining clarity on the habits that drive your problem drinking.
2. Notice high-risk moments
Pay attention to the times, places, and people that make you more likely to drink. Are you reaching for a glass when stressed, after a row, or during social gatherings? Understanding your triggers helps you respond with choice rather than habit.
3. Set personal drinking rules
Decide what feels manageable for you and write it down. For example: I won’t drink before 8 p.m., I’ll have one alcoholic drink in one evening, or I’ll avoid a particular type of alcohol for now. Clear boundaries make it easier to follow through.
4. Schedule alcohol-free days
Choose a couple of days each week to go without drinking. Making these days a routine gives your body a chance to recover and helps break automatic drinking patterns.
5. Decide on a daily cap
Taking into account the NHS guidelines on weekly alcohol units, decide on a maximum number of units per day and stick to it. Remember, once you’ve had three or four drinks, it can become much harder to say no. Setting a cap early helps you stay in control.
6. Pace yourself
If you’re out for several hours, spread your drinks out and intersperse them with non-alcoholic options. Small steps like putting your glass down between sips or holding a non-alcoholic drink in one hand can make a big difference.
7. Reward small wins
Celebrate when you meet your goals. Treat yourself to something special, a small gift, a quiet evening, or anything that feels meaningful. Positive reinforcement strengthens new habits.
8. Explore emotional alternatives
Ask yourself why you’re drinking. Is it to ease anxiety, boredom, or low mood? Find other ways to respond to those feelings. Perhaps go for a walk, journal, chat with a friend, or try a relaxing ritual that doesn’t involve alcohol.
9. Respond mindfully to cravings
When the urge to drink hits, pause and notice it without judgment. Label it: This is a craving, not a command. Distract yourself, change your environment, or shift your focus. Remind yourself that you don’t need a drink; you want one because of how you’re feeling in that moment.
Seeing Your Drinking Clearly is Self-Respect
Recognising signs of alcohol taking up too much space in your life is an act of self-care. Many women feel guilt or shame, but the truth is that awareness is empowering. You’re allowing yourself to live with more clarity, energy, and emotional freedom.
Over to You
If part of you is hearing an inner voice saying, ‘I think my drinking is becoming a problem,’ you don’t have to navigate this alone.
Drinkaware also have lots of resources to help you.
Maybe it’s also time to talk with your partner, especially if their drinking patterns seem intertwined with yours.
Whether you want to reduce your drinking, understand the emotional patterns driving it or explore how alcohol is affecting your relationship, talking with a counsellor or a therapist can offer clarity and support.
Book a complimentary consultation, and let’s begin the conversation.
Let’s talk about what is happening beneath the surface.
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© Sandra Harewood 2025
About Sandra Harewood
Sandra Harewood is a registered Psychotherapeutic Counsellor, Couples Counsellor and Jungian Coach. Sandra is a specialist in working with women and couples facing crisis or at a crossroads in their marriage. Over the last 15+ years, Sandra has helped 100’s of women and couples transform their lives and relationships. She has a private counselling and life-coaching practice in Pimlico and Bromley, South London. Sandra is passionate about helping couples create conscious relationships and put the soul back into their lives.
