A Pile Of Matches - Counselling For Anger - Sandra Harewood CounsellingAnger is a very human emotion, but the one we often find ourselves struggling with the most.  

To feel anger is to be human.

The problem is not the anger, but what you do with it.  Counselling for anger can help. Persistent unacknowledged anger may manifest as sarcasm, procrastination or stubbornness.  It can also contribute to health problems such as addiction, high blood pressure and depression.

Equally unhealthy is the anger expressed overtly in the form of hostility, temper tantrums, aggression or violence.

In relationships, where anger persists this is usually a sign of underlying problems, such as control, that are not being addressed. For that reason, anger can threaten or destroy relationships even where there is no violence.

When you express your anger assertively – in a non-aggressive, but constructive manner – you are asserting what your needs are and how you want them met without hurting anyone else.

What is Anger

Anger ranges from mild irritation to rage.  Upset, irritation, annoyance, feeling peeved, indignant or frustrated are all on the anger inventory list.

Anger is a natural response to feeling hurt, attacked or unfairly treated.  It’s an alarm bell, letting you know when your personal boundaries or limits have been crossed.  Underneath the anger, there’s usually some emotional pain.

When is Anger a Problem

The difficulty with anger arises when it becomes harmful either to yourself and or others.  So if you find yourself:

  • shouting
  • swearing
  • slamming doors
  • launching personal attacks
  • demonstrating violent behaviour
  • lying
  • undermining others
  • sulking
  • quitting

These things will have an impact on those around you.  Over time anger will affect your ability to maintain healthy relationships with your loved ones, friends and colleagues.  And if you’re struggling to manage feelings of anger this might evoke feelings of shame and negatively affect your self-esteem.

Causes of Anger

Everyone has their triggers.  Yours may not be immediately apparent. Anger is one of the stages of grief.  If you have suffered a loss which you have not yet grieved it may be that the unexpressed anger appears.  Because the loss may have happened sometime in the past, you don’t link it to the cause of your outburst.

Low self-esteem or a poor sense of self may mean that your anger is evoked at times when you are trying to maintain a sense of identity, control and independence.  

Unresolved childhood wounding and trauma may also be a cause of your present-day anger. How you respond to anger is likely to have a history.  If you have been raised with a family story that was shouting and being overtly aggressive is that way anger is expressed, you would not have learnt how to understand and manage angry feelings and act accordingly.  

On the other hand, if you have been told that anger isn’t okay then showing any form of upset will feel painful.

Counselling for Anger

Counselling for anger helps you to understand your anger and build a toolbox of skills to help you respond safely and appropriately.  You will learn to recognise your triggers, become aware of your emotions and reflect on what lies beneath your anger.  By befriending your anger, you become more confident in managing it no matter what the trigger, feeling more positive about your thoughts, feelings and actions.


Contact Me Today to Talk

Find out more about how to improve your relationship with anger.  Call 07535 864836 or click the Get in Touch button for a FREE 15-minute consultation.  I will get back to you as soon as possible.