Nourishing Yourself First: A Nourishing Pumpkin Soup Recipe for the Soul
There are many expectations surrounding long-term relationships. Longevity is perhaps one of them. It’s often portrayed as the ultimate goal, but is it perhaps the quality of the journey to that goal that matters most?
Just as preparing a nourishing soup requires the right ingredients, care, skill, love and patience to create something truly tasty and fulfilling, so do relationships.
Sometimes our marriage, especially when in crisis and at a crossroads, feels anything but nourishing. We are stuck, frustrated and simmering while waiting for a change, unsure of how it will turn out.
Committed relationships require work; sometimes it feels like hard work. We might feel that we are working hard to make things work, and yet nothing is changing.
The truth is, relationships often drain us, and paradoxically, at these times, when we need to most, we forget to nourish ourselves. Then, we can quickly become disconnected from our own needs, wants, and desires, which, like a potentially nourishing pumpkin soup missing ingredients, leave us feeling dissatisfied with life and relationships.
It’s not an uncommon experience for many married women, especially when they become so wrapped up in giving to others that there is no longer the time or space to nourish and resource themselves.
Running on Empty
In marriage and long-term relationships, couples can fall into a pattern of rescuing each other.
It feels natural at first, as if helping each other grow or protecting each other from unnecessary pain and suffering.
I understand that drive. No one wants to see someone they love suffer, and most people want their partner to grow and fulfil their full potential.
However, over time, this dynamic can evolve into a cycle where this attempt to make things right paradoxically leaves neither feeling truly nourished or intimately connected, much like a nourishing pumpkin soup made without care can lack flavour.
This pattern is a sign of a symbiotic relationship and codependency.
The problem is that when we are constantly giving, we become emotionally depleted. We can lose ourselves in the process, thinking that love means self-sacrifice, acquiescence and unavoidable anxiety. We end up experiencing the very thing we are trying to avoid: disconnection and separation.
Love and intimacy will struggle to have a place when we are running on empty.
A simple act of nourishment—avocado and eggs on toast.
Nourishing Yourself First
An important part of breaking, in addition to understanding our deeper emotional motivations, involves a simple yet often challenging practice: nourishing yourself first.
Many arguments happen when couples feel tired, hungry, or lack resources.
When we take time to fill our own cup through rest, reflection, and small acts of self-care that nourish our souls, we create space to show up as our full selves in relationships.
I had to learn this over time.
I recall days when I felt completely drained, wandering the aisles of the supermarket, uncertain about what my body craved. But, it wasn’t just food I was missing; it was the connection with myself.
Slowly, I began to realise that nourishing myself was not just about what I ate, but about listening to my wounds and needs, forming a relationship with them, responding to them mindfully, and nourishing myself emotionally. This is what psychotherapeutic counselling can help you do.
Nourishing Pumpkin & Lentil Soup
One of the simplest ways I’ve learned to nourish myself is through healthy home-cooked, fresh food. Cooking isn’t just about sustenance; it’s an act of care, a ritual that can literally bring us back to our senses. Preparing my favourite nourishing pumpkin soup becomes a soulful and soothing pleasure.
This is how we can start making changes to save a relationship. Not changing something for someone. But making changes so we can come home to ourselves. When we are emotionally full and satisfied, we are not looking to fill someone else’s cup in the hope that they will fill ours in return. When we are resourced, the relationship has the capacity to feel the same.
One of my favourite comfort foods is Pumpkin and Lentil Soup. It’s nourishing, both in body and soul. It’s all about relationships, connecting me to my late grandmothers in the Caribbean.
I never tasted their soup because they spent most of their lives in the Caribbean, but I received the essence of it from my parents’ and my aunt’s soup, which I loved. An intergenerational hug in a bowl, just as necessary for the heart as it is for the body.
This recipe is just a hint of what they offered, but it’s quick and simple enough to remind me of their offerings.
Here’s my recipe.
Nourishing Pumpkin & Lentil Soup
Ingredients:
- ½ small pumpkin, peeled and cubed (about 300g)
- 1 small onion, chopped
- 1 clove garlic, minced
- 1 small carrot, peeled and chopped
- 1 tbsp Bajan Green Seasoning (or a mix of chopped fresh thyme, marjoram, parsley, and a thin slice of scotch bonnet pepper)
- 100g red lentils (rinsed)
- 750ml vegetable stock (or water)
- Salt and pepper, to taste
Method:
- Sauté the onion and garlic in olive oil until soft and translucent
- Add the chopped pumpkin and carrot, and sauté for another 3-4 minutes.
- Stir in the Bajan Green Seasoning (or your herb mix) and scotch bonnet (if using), and cook for another minute.
- Add the red lentils and vegetable stock. Bring the soup to a boil, then reduce the heat to a simmer.
- Cook for about 20–25 minutes, or until the pumpkin and lentils are soft.
- For a smoother, thicker texture, blend the soup with a stick blender until it is creamy. If you prefer a chunkier soup, skip the blending step and leave it as is
- Season with salt and pepper to taste.
- Ladle the soup into bowls, garnish with pumpkin seeds, and serve with crusty bread. Enjoy!
In some parts of the Caribbean, they say soup is not soup without dumplings! You can add some if you like, or swap the carrots for sweet potato. Make it your own.
What Nourishes You?
What I’ve come to realise is that nourishing ourselves doesn’t always need to be dramatic or time-consuming. It’s the small, simple, consistent acts of care that rebuild our sense of self and help strengthen our relationships.
Whether it’s a bowl of nourishing pumpkin soup, a stillness practice, running, sewing, reading, writing, pottery, gardening, caring for your houseplants, knitting, or music, the list goes on. Self-care is about reconnecting with yourself.
By making space in your life for your own needs, you can show up in a relationship with full presence, generosity, and balance.
Relationships are co-created. Ask yourself: When you’re depleted, what does that mean for your relationship?
Over To You
If you’re standing at the threshold of an ending in your marriage, wondering what the next step should be, you don’t have to hold it alone. I’d be honoured to walk alongside you as you explore what it means to move forward with peace and grace.
Book a complimentary consultation, and let’s begin the conversation.
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© Sandra Harewood 2025
About Sandra Harewood
Sandra Harewood is a registered Psychotherapeutic Counsellor, Couples Counsellor and Jungian Coach. Sandra is a specialist in working with women and couples in crisis and at a crossroads in their marriage. Over the last 15+ years, Sandra has helped 100’s of women and couples transform their lives and relationships. She has a private counselling and life coaching practice in Pimlico and Bromley in South London. Sandra is passionate about helping couples create conscious relationships, putting the soul back into their lives.
