How Showing Your Partner Appreciation Can Help Improve Your Relationship

Gold "THANK YOU" balloon letters hanging on the wall = How Showing Your Partner Appreciation Can Help Improve Your Relationship - Sandra Harewood Counselling


Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.  Eckhart Tolle

What was the first thought you had about your partner this morning?  For instance, was it

I so feel happy?

Wow, I can’t’ wait to spend the rest of the day with him?

I feel safe and secure in this relationship?

On the other hand, was it annoyance with the snoring, fed up because they haven’t brought you your morning cup of tea…again, cross about his messy pile of clothes on the floor or perhaps irritable following an argument the night before?

2 Little Known Factor’s That Could Harm Your Relationship

How many times do you start your day off complaining about your partner or spouse?

Take some time and be honest.  Because, for the most part when you begin the day with negative thoughts and feelings, you start from a place of fear and lack.

Why fear? Because underneath is a sense of not feeling safe and cared for.  Equally important is lack which is the feeling that you don’t have enough.  To put it another way, your overriding feelings might be that you don’t spend enough time together, or there is little excitement or sense of fun.

On the whole, fear and lack lead to negative feelings about your relationship. This is hardly the best place to cultivate a rich and deeply connected bond.  Fear and lack block your capacity to love and to be loved.

It’s perfectly natural to connect to negative feelings when your needs are not satisfied.  In fact, the brain is wired to remember negative experiences, and this is nature’s way of keeping you safe. It’s an old and often vital strategy so that you remember when you are in harm’s way.  But sometimes you need to rewire the circuit to create a great and bountiful relationship.

The Power of Appreciation

So what instead, if you regularly acknowledged what’s good in your relationship to create a pool of love and a relationship that’s successful, flourishing and stable.

How do you do that?  Practice showing your partner appreciation.

Those words and actions which demonstrate appreciation connect you to the heart.

What they do is let you know that you are admired, respected and cherished. You know that your partner sees you, and wants to acknowledge and celebrate you.  They recognise the impact that you have on their day to day life.

Who doesn’t want a little more appreciation in their lives?

All in all, when you feel appreciated you feel loved.

Appreciation also boosts your sense of self-worth.  Of course, it’s important to have a sense of self-worth which is grounded in your sense of self-confidence. Even so, these things require gentle encouragement.

Are You Following The 20% Rule?

Research shows that showing appreciation does make a difference to relationships. According to Dr John Gottman PhD, couples who are in successful long-term relationships consistently practice giving appreciation to their partner or spouse five times more than sharing a complaint.  In contrast, couples who don’t do this are more likely to have a failed relationship.

That’s why gratitude and appreciation are so important in a relationship.  It does not have to be something grand.  There is often depth and soul in the very ordinary and simple things of life.

21 Ways to Show Your Appreciation

Small things create significant changes over time.  Try these things to show your partner how you appreciate them.

  1. A simple thank you, every time your partner does something thoughtful for you, e.g., cleaned your car, filled the dishwasher or perhaps cooked you a vegetarian meal when he’s a meat eater.
  2. Offer a word of praise, tell your husband he’s an outstanding parent or that you respect a recent decision they have made
  3. Share touches such as a pat on shoulder, a long hug, a kiss goodbye or a 15-minute massage
  4. Give your partner a spontaneous, loving look for no reason other than you want to
  5. Let your partner know that you understand what they feel
  6. Tell them that you know what they are capable of; be positive
  7. Compliment your partner in public
  8. Write her a love note or leave a post-it on the fridge door or bathroom mirror
  9. Send him a romantic text message
  10. Ask about their day
  11. Call them in the middle of the day to let them know you are thinking about them
  12. Greet your partner as soon as they come home
  13. If you have children tell them how great their parent is
  14. Tell him that you love spending time with him
  15. Learn about their hobbies, support and be enthusiastic about their passions
  16. Spend quality time together making eye contact and connection
  17. Be understanding
  18. Forget online shopping, make something for your loved one as a gift what about a handmade notebook, a painting or drawing
  19. Listen deeply, be fully engaged and then act on what you hear
  20. Say ‘I Love You’.  Three simple words which have a huge impact
  21. Do something that is important to him/her for no particular reason

Showing Your Partner Appreciation Every Day

Try and find something you appreciate about your partner every day for the next 30 days and let them know.  The first thing to remember is to offer the appreciation unconditionally.  To give appreciation with the intention to receive is manipulative and in the end, your efforts won’t work.

When you give wholeheartedly you will be surprised by the shift this makes in the dynamic of your relationship.

Write down what you do and say.  Perhaps you could do this in a journal.  When you are experiencing challenges along the way in your relationship have a look and remind yourself what you enjoy and savour about that person.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking here about forgetting what’s difficult in the relationship, but by practising appreciation perhaps you’ll experience fewer difficulties along the way.

Over to You

How are you showing your partner appreciation?  Is it by what you do, what you say or do you express your appreciation through touch.  And is it different to the ways your partner likes to feel appreciated?  How do like to receive appreciation?

If you would like to develop a deeper, richer and more romantic relationship get in touch and book your first counselling appointment today.