Relationship Problems on Holiday: 7 Tips to Avoid Issues When Travelling
I remember returning from a holiday in the sun years ago. When I got home and opened my suitcase, to my shock and horror, I discovered that I’d brought back an unexpected guest—a live cockroach. My head nearly hit the ceiling. I had no idea that I had brought this little creature back with me. I wish I hadn’t!
Why am I telling you this?
It reminds me of something I often say to couples: even though we might not realise it, we always take our emotional baggage with us, wherever we go. Even on holiday.
Many of us experience relationship problems on holiday.
When Holidays Feel Like a Temporary Escape
A lot of couples see getaways as a chance to start over. To leave behind the routines, the arguments, the silence and the stress.
Whether you’re travelling alone, with your partner, or as a family, there’s often hope that a change of scenery will bring clarity, ease, or even reconnection, especially when you’re at a crossroads in your relationship and asking yourself whether to stay or go.
And it’s true: holidays can offer moments of relief. A beautiful view, a shared laugh, a slower pace-these things can soften the heart and help us remember what we once had.
“What Were the Best of Times?”
When I first meet couples for therapy, I often ask, ‘What were the best of times?’ ‘What do you remember about the early years?’ Not to romanticise the past, but because memory can be a powerful resource.
When a relationship is struggling, we tend to focus on what’s wrong; we’re wired that way. So it’s easy to lose sight of what’s good. That’s why reflection and gratitude matter. Both help us reconnect with what’s working and help us have more positive feelings about the relationship.
And in some ways, that’s what a holiday or a break can do as well, momentarily shift our focus and remind us of what once felt alive in the relationship.
When you’re doing something together and having fun, it can be a moment when you remember, in your heart, what it used to feel like. You might realise the marriage isn’t dead and buried—perhaps something ‘in’ the relationship has died, but something new may be possible.
Reconnecting on holiday can be a spark for reigniting that within us.
But holidays aren’t magic wands.
Holidays Can Reignite Hope—But Also Surface Pain
If you’ve been feeling disconnected for months or even years, it’s understandable to hope that a holiday might bring some relief. And while the warmth of the sun can soothe the body, it can’t tend a hurting heart overnight.
The deeper issues—the dysfunctional patterns of communication, the pain, the emotional distance—don’t simply melt away just because you’re sitting by the pool. They come with you, quietly packed alongside the sunscreen and swimsuits.
In fact, holidays can bring them to the surface even more.
Relationship problems on holiday often show up in subtle and familiar ways. You might notice familiar dynamics playing out: one of you doing all the emotional labour, booking the flights, planning the days, making decisions, finding restaurants.
You might feel pressure to make the most of the time and suppress your feelings, keeping the peace so you don’t ‘ruin’ things.
Perhaps you find yourself being critical, or withdrawing, or hoping your partner will finally see the effort you’re making.
Perhaps your partner makes grand promises or gestures not from genuine change, but out of fear or desperation, aware of your ambivalence. And deep down, you are scared to trust that any of it will make a real, meaningful difference.
7 Reminders if You’re Travelling Together But Emotionally Far Apart
If you’re not sure whether you want to stay or leave, and a holiday is looming—or you’re just back from one—here are a few things to hold in mind:
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Don’t expect the holiday to fix everything.
A break can offer space to breathe, but lasting change requires intention and ongoing work. Simply recognising this can ease the pressure and help you stay more present.
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Allow small moments of gratitude.
You don’t need to force positivity, but allowing yourself to notice the moments of good in the relationship, however small, can help foster a sense of connection. Say thank you for what you are thankful for.
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Be honest about your expectations.
A sunset dinner won’t erase years of pain. Let the trip be what it is, not what you wish it would be. Before you even pack a bag, discuss your hopes openly. What do each of you want from this time away? What do ‘relaxing ‘or ‘fun’ actually mean to you?
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Carve out space for yourself and your relationship.
You don’t have to spend every moment together, but do make space for some intentional time as a couple. If you’re travelling with children, friends, or extended family, try to find even a small window to connect—perhaps an hour over coffee or a quiet moment before bed. It’s equally important to nourish yourself. Do something that brings you joy or reflection, like a walk, a massage, or a sunrise swim.
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Resist the urge to ‘talk it all out’ on the trip.
A holiday will not fix a struggling relationship. Important conversations need grounding, space and support. The goal is not to solve everything on a mountain hike.
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Avoid making major decisions based on a single experience.
Don’t leave (or commit to saving) your marriage because of a holiday high or low. Let yourself process it later.
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Notice your emotional patterns.
Whether you’re at a crossroads in your relationship or not, holidays can stir up conflict. Arguments happen. Do you feel abandoned? Over-responsible? Do you withdraw, or find yourself trying even harder to make things work? Time away often magnifies our attachment styles and unmet needs. If tensions rise, give yourself space to settle. When the time is right, return to the conversation with kindness and curiosity.
Emotional Baggage Isn’t Left at the Gate
So, if you’ve been away or are planning to go, and you’re hoping the holiday might bring clarity, connection, or even just a bit of peace, remember this: just like the intruder in my suitcase, what’s unresolved tends to come with us. It might stay hidden for a while, but it eventually makes itself known.
Your relationship problems on holiday are not a failure. It’s the nature of emotional baggage.
The question isn’t whether it comes with you, but whether you’re ready to unpack it, gently and honestly, when the time is right.
Over To You
If time away has stirred something in you, or if you’re realising that no amount of sun can soothe what’s unresolved between you, this might be the moment to pause and pay attention.
If your relationship is at a crossroads and you want professional help to decide whether to stay or leave, get in touch. You can learn more about the different types of support available to you, including private couples intensives. Book a free consultation to determine what is the right fit for you.
Ready to go deeper?
Get the Free Guide: 21 Questions to Stop Overthinking and Start Getting Clear.
Whether you’re facing relationship problems on holiday or simply feeling unsure about where things stand, these reflective questions will help you pause, reconnect with your truth, and make grounded decisions about your relationship.
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© Sandra Harewood 2025
Meet Sandra Harewood, a soul-centred couples counsellor, psychotherapeutic counsellor, and Jungian coach who specialises in guiding women and couples through marital crossroads. With Sandra, embark on a transformative journey to rediscover precious connections and intimacy in your relationships. Your new chapter begins here.
