Whether it’s wanting them to be more emotionally responsive, more attentive, reliable and financially responsible or just that they wouldn’t squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube, it seems that we can spend years trying to get our significant other to be different.
2019 didn’t start the way I planned. It was certainly difficult to see any colour other than grey. Gratitude doesn’t seem to fit with pain, suffering and fear. When you’re struggling and survival mode, it doesn’t feel as if there’s space to look beyond what’s necessary to keep you going. Life isn’t easy sometimes, and in those moments it feels as if it’s working against you, not for you. The feeling is one of resentment, not gratitude.
It’s always nice to receive a gift, especially when it’s a surprise. A well-chosen gift can let you know that you have been deeply heard and profoundly understood.
In my previous blog post, I wrote about How To Tell If Your Relationship Is Causing You Anxiety. Now let’s address your anxiety symptoms.
Anxiety is common. In 2013 there were 8.2 million cases of anxiety in the UK. So if you’re experiencing anxiety symptoms, you are not alone.
If the story of your relationship (maybe it feels more like a drama) is punctuated with narcissistic behaviours sadly, anxiety will likely also play a part.
When the need for self-confirmation becomes excessive, then you enter the realm of potentially unhealthy or pathological narcissism.
Vulnerability does make you more susceptible to hurt, heartbreak and disappointment, there’s no getting around that. But when you shut down the possibility of being vulnerable, you can’t experience the joy and pleasure of life or be our authentic self because we shut down those things too. Everything gets shut down.
I really admire the work of Brené Brown. If you’re not familiar with Brené, as well as being one of the world’s leading researchers on the subjects of shame and vulnerability, she is a wonderfully compelling storyteller. Brené Brown talks about difficult topics in a very soulful, humorous and graceful way.
It’s painful when you find yourself in a relationship continually giving more than you receive. And yet at the same time, it’s hard to stop being a people pleaser. In fact, it’s a role that you’ve become all too used to.
And really, why would you want to do that, even to the point of being unhappy, overstressed, chronically resentful, and physically and emotionally ill?
In my previous blog post, I wrote about the story of Narcissus and Echo to give you clues as to whether you are living with someone with a narcissistic personality. If you didn’t read that click here to check it out. That post was about understanding the modern day Narcissus.
Now it’s Echo’s turn.
If you’re in a relationship and notice that you have lost your voice, your spirit, feel overlooked, lonely, and that your needs are not important, this classic story might feel painfully familiar.
There are only a couple more days until Valentine’s Day.
So to get into the spirit of the day, I’m sharing thoughts and sayings about love. These are from people who I think you’ll find have something interesting to say about this thing called love.