Scissors between a man and woman paper doll - What An Affair Can Tell You About Loss

What An Affair Can Tell You About Loss

An affair leaves a trail of pain, hurt and guilt in its wake.  There’s no escaping that.

Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal.  Whether you stay together or not, an affair marks an ‘ending’ to the relationship.  All of a sudden, the spell of the romantic phase is well and truly broken.

That’s because betrayal threatens your emotional safety.  As a result, it shakes any sense of a secure attachment.  The anger and hurt emotionally split you apart.

Inevitably, things won’t be the same again. How you relate to each other, communicate, how you trust each other and how intimate you are all change. 

Healing after a betrayal is a painful journey.

It’s Not All About Sex

And, an affair isn’t just about the physical act of sex.

A secret, intimate, emotional relationship with someone other than your partner is also a betrayal. The energetic centres for sex involve the head and heart, not just the penis and clitoris.

I imagine in the moment of discovering their partner’s infidelity few would say ‘this is the best thing that’s ever happened.’  And yet affairs may serve a purpose in relationships.

What An Affair Can Tell You

Esther Perel is a leading Relationship Therapist. She has both an insightful and provocative view on infidelity.

In this TED talk, as well as an insight into what purpose affairs might serve in a relationship, she explores why people cheat.  She also explains why affairs are so traumatic.

Esther Perel sees something surprising in the pain of an affair: loss, desire and the yearning of the soul.  The question then becomes how can these human experiences be attended to without the need of an affair.

If you have ever loved, cheated or been cheated on this is a must-watch TED talk.  And in any event, viewed over 8 million times, it’s simply a good watch if you want a new framework for understanding relationships.


Over to You

Has an affair shaken your relationship? Or are you about to embark on an affair, although you thought it was the last thing you would ever do? To talk things through get in touch and book your FREE 15-minute phone consultation to discuss your situation and how I can help.

Or call me today on 07535 864836.

Leave a comment below; I’d love to hear from you.


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© Sandra Harewood

 About Sandra

Soul Centred couples counsellor Sandra Harewood specialises in working with couples and single women with childhood wounding that impacts their adult relationships. Sandra provides a soulful space for her clients to explore and discover creative solutions to their difficulties and create great relationships.